It’s Hot! Bertha has been trying to stay cool. No matter how she tries, she still looks like she sat in a schvitz. Her wigs are molting, eyelashes starting to go straight, implants deflating and let’s not go near the tushy. It is so badly mishap-en, she looks like she is one of the Kardashian girls. Puppy is no better. He has been trying to use squash, but like many things, it just goes limp. He is beside himself trying to get his fix, only to discover the stash he has maintained, has become a pool of imordial ooze. Isn’t that just like a man?
The heat is claiming many people, and we know many are suffering. We bought one of those inflatable kids pools to use in our back pen. It was one you had to pump up, which the dog used to get his groove on. Bertha has been longing for a hot tub, and this was as close as she got. Her hooves stick out, but she is able to prop up her legs on the inflatable beast and sun herself. Of course, the neighbors are complaining as she likes to do so in the nude. Watching her get in and out is almost grounds for indecent exposure. At one point she forgot she was part sheep, dove in and we heard an awful whump. Her tushy managed to hit too hard and it exploded. It gave new meaning to power aerobics. The girl was in high gear moving about just to stay afloat. We know it had to have given her muscles in places she forgot. Today she is sagging and snarfing, mad as hell that she cannot sunbathe.
The heat also seems to be taking its toll on politicos. We observed Romney running for the lady grecian formula as his was running down his eyes from the heat. His wife also seems to suffer from heat exhaustion as she gave one of her maids the day off for the fourth of July. Obama fared a bit better as he and Michelle seemed to beat the heat on a water slide. Word to the president, if you are on a water slide, do not wear a speedo. Bertha tried that once, and she got it caught in the mechanics. Screams were heard from around the park. Obama we hear, fared much better.
Yes, we now get the meaning of the words “hot as hell”, and they do not refer to a Victoria’s Secret model posing in a thong. We are referring to the debates heating up in DC over health care. Putting a bunch of baggies in with Dem’s in a closed room,without air is asking for trouble. We think that was part of the plan Obama used to force them to agree to his health care care initiative. It was pass it, or risk passing a stone trying to escape. They ended up passing out from the diamonds which they produced after it was passed.
As the candidates cooled themselves, debates over who controlled the whip played in the background. The tune ” Beat IT” took on a new meaning. The public meanwhile stood in the glaring heat, melting like snow cones. Henrietta was seen in the crowd topless of course, trying to get cool, and some wise ass paparazzo thought it would be funny to get her on film. Hen took a hard right and clocked him. We digress.
We saw as many lost homes from this heat and fires from the dry brush catching fire. Puppy lost his garden, which took him years to cultivate. It was a sad sight to see a dog holding on to the last bast ages of manhood. Fire works displays are threatened as well. Not to worry, Bertha plans to launch her own, while lounging in her pool. Doctors ordered her to avoid contact with water on her tushy. This means she has to hang it out over the pool, which only makes her look as if she is presenting. Our eyes!
Yes, we all are suffering from this heat wave, and while some of us more than others, we try to remember, fall is coming. In the meantime, the dog is improvising using freezy pops, which gives him that burst of prosecco, and Bertha that Za Za Zoo.
Cheers to all, and Happy Fourth of July!!!!