Sheep Speak…..Yes, We are Going That Far….

Ahem, sheep would like to say a few words to the watchdogs at homeland security. Numero UNO….We think you are going a bit overboard. While we appreciate your need to protect, we think you might be suffering from produce issues. Puppy thinks you need a good romp with carrots. Squash is good too, as are melons, but pineapple, we think not so much. Rashes you know. Can’t have our security guys showing up at work doing the Italian Squirm. Please stay away from the bleach bottle for this, getting things caught is just wrong, and while it might give you a brief interlude of gratification, ending up with crossed eyes is no fun. We went through that. This is how we became trans gendered. Ya really want to go there? We think not.

Bertha says you need a wild night with her. Once you go sheep there is no turning back. She will teach you a whole new vocabulary and have you using words you never knew possible. Does she kiss and tell? No, sorry. You thought the French Mistake was just for film, or tiramisu was just for dessert, but we think you might like omelet issues, produce issues and of course…..sheep issues. Saying you have a sheep issue takes on a whole new meaning. But if you think having a romp with carrots might turn you on, or using a good squash, we say….whatever works.

So, we have to ask, if the dog is packing is that too far out-of-bounds? Or if Bertha is having issues with deflation, is that going a bit too far? No? The dog is not about to stop packing, and if you dare try to confiscate his stash, you are risking a fire hydrant issue.  Henrietta said she has had a strap on issue, but we know that could be interpreted too many ways. Bertha likes strap ons, she likes straps, and whips and chains are her favorite toys. Too much? Gone too far? You may run into a rogue sheep, and have someone in need of a good waxing.

Is your head exploding? Are you scrambling trying to decipher sheep speak? Trust us, its is a language of our own. There is no dictionary that will tell you what waxing is. And we seriously doubt you will find produce issues, and omelet issues? Don’t think so. Why? You just assumed sheep were dull animals and had no life. That is what makes us so special; because we are so unassuming, and have been spying on all of you for so long, we know you better than you know yourselves.

We know you have your proclivities, some of you like to have a romp with produce, some have been caught with produce. It’s ok, we get it. Some of you have omelet issues,and cannot ignore lint, and some get turned on doing the dishes. Let’s don’t forget the dangling participle in the bathroom stall. We have seen it all.

Hey, it is the ones who you least suspect that could be packing. Finding a pineapple might cause some for alarm, but trust us, we would be more afraid of suppositories. Those little buggers, you just never know what is in em. Or what might come out. The signing doctors had a little ditty we like. Pay attention….

Suppositories, suppositories, it’s the thing to do in side of you, suppositories.

They give you that look of concern, ….., might make you squirm….supositories…it’s the thing to do inside of you, could make you feel a little blue, suppositories……If tsa grab you wrong and you turn and warn them in song, its suppositories….

We know, we could not resist. They had it coming. Or was it going? You just never know who might have those damn omelet issues.

About cruisepuppy7452a

50/D/F, who is a college grad, former associate producer/marketing agent for an indy film co. I have also worked as a caterer/chef. Currently in the process of writing 2 books, one humor and the other is a cookbook. What makes me tick is fighting for the little guy. Nothing makes my more angry than a bully who attacks the elderly, disabled, poor, middle class or unemployed. Some question my sanity or motives. I am totally sane, and my motives are pure. I do what is right, I give back and try to help make this world a better place for all. Ted Kennedy once called my ideas crazy and that was when I knew I was on the right track. Apparently he only did so to those whom he respected. As payback to him and his family I will continue to fight for the little guy, until someone tells me a sheep has replaced me. Only then, as I respect sheep, they are good people. My blog is to discuss issues, question everything and get people asking questions and thinking outside of the box. I am a defender of the people, thier rights and civil liberties and will continue the good fight until nobody is seen as bad, evil, perverse, or other. Its the same bus, there is no first class, . Its your choice. Back to the sheep. Like the sheep in my novel, I am laid back, easy going, have a sense of humor and am easily entertained. Some expect the ususal nonsense. Read the blog and it becomes apparent who I am. I do hope to one day run for political office. I have seen what ego does, how power and money corrupt, and religion can cause harm
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