You already know if you have been reading our column we wear women’s clothing. What we didn’t know, someone was spying on us, going in drag, and trying to pass as a sheep. In one way we are honored as they chose sheep to spy on. But what was it they needed to learn?
The dog thinks this spy wanted to see what sort of perverse behaviors sheep possess. We like to think its our ZA ZOO, JOI DE VIVRE they want to silence. You will never silence Bertha, and Henrietta refuses to go down with the ship. The dog will never give up his omelet issues, or for that matter produce. As for me, I will always fight for the little guy, so all sheep are considered equal by everyone. No sheep will be left behind. We may leave those who insist on gagging us, though we must warn you, that only gets Bertha turned on.
If we must fight your battles for you in drag, so be it. What good are Dolce y Gabbana and Louboutains if we can’t wear them to make a point? Besides, if we didn’t go under cover, how on earth would you all know you are making such fashion faux pas? Not to mention such fetishes, and the Amish look? You need sheep in drag. We are your social conscience, your political barometer to let you know when you have crossed a line.
Who but sheep could sport implants, wigs, better than a sheep? I mean have you been to New York? We totally fit in. Henrietta wants to grab this spy, tie him down and interrogate him. Bertha wants that too, but only if its part of a wild night. The dog offered to bring an eggplant and zucchini to see if that would get him talking. We are prepared to go full frontal with this spy, and see what makes him tick.
The dog is on the phone with the spy now. A clandestine meeting is to occur at night. We are to come in trench coats, fedora’s and bring note books. Bertha had to be told, she could not go naked beneath her trench. Now she is pouting. Sorry Bertha, this is serious business. Nobody spies on sheep and gets by with it.
We gathered in a cab and sped off to our rendezvous spot. In a dark cafe, a man approached us. The dog gave him the look and he sat at our table. Henrietta wanted to know who paid him off? No response. The dog, carrying a suitcase, pulled out his arsenal. First a melon, no response. The battle of the eyes began. Then, a pineapple. The man began to sweat. I eyed him. ” Why sheep?” I asked. No response, he was stone cold. The dog pulled out cucumbers, the man’s lip began to tremble. We were breaking his will. The dog used his last and most effective weapon, the wok. This sent the man into a total frenzy. Perhaps too much. Maybe he wasn’t a spy, and a sheep in human’s clothing.
Finally, the man couldn’t stop writhing. In a split second, out came a tell all. We stood back and the dog turned on his tape recorder. The man began, ” I can’t lie anymore, I want to be one of you. ” He yelled. The GOP wanted me to see what made you tick, follow you, blend in, and the more I did, the more I realized…..Sheep are good people.” Whew, what a relief. He went on, “the only way I could go both ways was to dress in drag, and that was at a political rally for the tea partiers. ” I saw what they were, and said “NO.” The only way to get them talking, outing thier true feelings towards sheep was to let them think I was one of them.” The dog began to chain smoke, as he pulled out a turnip. Your issues, those of the gay and transgendered sheep had to be seen and heard by all. ” ” I had to go underground to pose as a sheep to confuse them.” The man was in tears of relief as he ousted himself.
So we now have comrades in arms. People are realizing the rights and civil liberties, ability to wear designer clothing should be for all. If it took one brave soul to take the bullet for us, we would support the cause. The question is, why can’t the rest of humans? Can’t they see underneath the wigs, implants, produce, we are all the same? We took this brave soul into our flock. He would forever be our compadre, and we would be their voices. The dog chose to make an egg foo hung patty with a melon chaser. It was too much. The outing made the puppy go into a frenzy, but at least we all had a good meal afterwards. Bertha was disappointed, she wanted a clandestine rendezvous, with handcuffs and whips and chains. Perhaps at a later date Bertha. For now, we have sheep to protect, rights to fight for, and designer attire to be worked. zucchini blossom anyone?